You know that song "Imagine" by John Lennon? Every time I hear it, I think of a world falling apart. Imagining there's no heaven, it is easy to try. I've done it before. I imagined there was no hell, no consequences, no government, no religion, nothing to own, nothing to work for, no reason to fight. At first, I agreed. Maybe we don't need the things we thought we did. I thought maybe there was no point to clawing my way through life, because even if there was heaven, nothing from this world would go with me. And what if there was only darkness afterwards?
In that moment, however, I lay staring into the face of death. It was beautiful and terrifying in the same second. It was cold and yet so warmly inviting. I could feel its hands trying to grasp me. I could hear the whisper to meet my fate. It sang softly, lulling me out of mortal pain, coaxing me into the growing blackness.
My sight was fading, the only sound was my own rapid heartbeat. At first, I let myself slip a little at a time. Then, I began to panic about being right and wrong; about my place in the cosmos. Was I really going to fade into nonexistence? Would I feel myself decay? What would happen to my memory? I tried to sort it out with both religion and science, recalling as much as I had been taught about either.
Then it all became clear. Even if there was no God, no Kingdom beyond this life, the universe worked with purpose. Everything had cause and effect, up and down; physically, there was no way to exist without sending some sort of energy radiating through all of existence.
I reflected on my past. What kind of energy had I sent out? Not one of any positivity. For all of my two decades on the planet, I had only two memories that didn't cause pain. What, then, would resound back? Everything that had made me miserable in my life.
It was that thought, that fear of nothingness, of destruction, slamming back into everything, that gave me the will to change my world. It was that thought that lead to the unraveling of my sorrow.
Saturday, February 22, 2014
Monday, February 17, 2014
I'm terrible, I know.
But I made chocolate covered bacon! Yes, those things go together. Quite well, too.
My mother and I threw a chocolate party this week. Specifically, we threw a chocolate party to demonstrate some of the ways to use DoTerra essential oils. We made cake, brownies, fondue, the bacon, and our becoming-famous bean truffles.
Yes, beans.
It sounds weird, but it actually makes the truffle less choking-on-sugar sweet, adds a smoother texture, is lower in fat, and is easier to flavor. We thought up the idea when my mom was asked to teach a class on using and storing beans a few years back. They've been popular in our area since. We flavor them with oils like cinnamon, peppermint, orange, or lemon. I like the peppermint best, but I'm dying to try making them with spearmint. It takes at least a whole day to make one batch though, so we try to save them for special occasions.
I did think about holding a tea party for the Corpus Christi Lolita Group and making some then, but I'm not sure when I'd do that. Or if anyone would come. We had a big turn out for our business event, but none of my friends came. Oh well, maybe next time.
For pictures, visit my mom over at http://mtoils.blogspot.com
Au Revoir <3
Monday, January 27, 2014
#Geekbowl
I just got back from one hell of a weekend up in Austin. Geeks Who Drink put on their 8th annual Geek Bowl, aka a gigantic room full of drunk people (not the Salt Lake team, of course) answering stupid questions about a plethora of subjects only fun people with no lives could get right, with hopes of taking home $6000. I apparently only qualify for the 'no life' part because I got like no questions right. I think my final score was 9 out of 80. Yep.
Anyway, GWD of course plans events for the whole weekend as well, and my honey and I attended the superflippingawesome pre-party: The Freak Bowl. I was so wrapped up in the awesomeness, I didn't get pictures taken. This, I much regret. All walks of Geekdom came together, jammed out to awesome bands, and chilled without any Star Wars vs. Star Trek fist fights breaking out, or at least none that I saw. Must've been quelled by the Doctor and Superman. Or they were too distracted by the hot circus performer chicks playing with fire.
Next year is gonna be in New Mexico. Jeeze. How am I supposed to afford that? Pshhh. I guess I gotta find an actual team to go with and actually compete or something.
And in case you're curious, you can go to GeeksWhoDrink.com and see when and where it is and all that crap, because I'm too lazy to look it up myself.
Anyway, GWD of course plans events for the whole weekend as well, and my honey and I attended the superflippingawesome pre-party: The Freak Bowl. I was so wrapped up in the awesomeness, I didn't get pictures taken. This, I much regret. All walks of Geekdom came together, jammed out to awesome bands, and chilled without any Star Wars vs. Star Trek fist fights breaking out, or at least none that I saw. Must've been quelled by the Doctor and Superman. Or they were too distracted by the hot circus performer chicks playing with fire.
Next year is gonna be in New Mexico. Jeeze. How am I supposed to afford that? Pshhh. I guess I gotta find an actual team to go with and actually compete or something.
And in case you're curious, you can go to GeeksWhoDrink.com and see when and where it is and all that crap, because I'm too lazy to look it up myself.
Sunday, January 19, 2014
Writing is Hard!
A secret passion of mine was always writing. I tried for many years to purvey my many ideas through written word to no avail. I never could understand how to fill in all the plot holes, or even how to advance in some places. This is fricking not easy!
Last year, I purchased the One Year Adventure Novel program. We had sampled it years before and it seemed like a good purchase. It comes with 7 disks of video lessons, a textbook, a workbook, and a sample novel, as well as a resource disk and a forum membership. Whenever I get stuck (which is often), I go and chill in the forum's chat.
This is how I learned to drabble.
A drabble is a short, 100+ word story based on a few keywords. It can be one word, two words, seven, or whatever. Once all participants are done, we take turns posting them in chat.
My first session's keys were graveyard, music, winter, and shadow. When it's just a paragraph or two, it's easy. Here's what I came up with (in all of 15 or so minutes).
Untitled
I sat behind his grave, my back pressed to the cold, gray stone. Sighing, I hummed the songs he wrote for me. Can you hear me? I wondered, closing my eyes to the winter skies.
The frigid breeze swirled snow around me. Cold didn't bother me anymore, I was too numb to feel much of anything.I turned around and pressed my face to the stone. "Why am I still here, Araan?" Shadows of the living passed through me, chattering in distorted voices. If I listened really hard, I could make out words, but today, it did not interest me. I shivered violently as they stepped across the dirt mound that was- that used to be- me. It jutted out of the ground, brown and muddy, while the snow around it bore the week old foot prints of my mourners. Soon, Lady Winter would erase them with her crystal faeries and lay my lifeless body in white.
I stared at the old man under the tree. He had been here since times of cowboys and the first railways, sitting under that tree, year after year, watching the world pass. What if I suffer the same fate? This isn't what I wanted. I wanted to be with Araan! I promised to follow him to the end of time, and now I couldn't even leave the cemetery grounds. Why did he have to leave me? And why couldn't I go where he was?
I guess it's kinda dumb, but I did it, and that's all that matters.
Au revoir!
Last year, I purchased the One Year Adventure Novel program. We had sampled it years before and it seemed like a good purchase. It comes with 7 disks of video lessons, a textbook, a workbook, and a sample novel, as well as a resource disk and a forum membership. Whenever I get stuck (which is often), I go and chill in the forum's chat.
This is how I learned to drabble.
A drabble is a short, 100+ word story based on a few keywords. It can be one word, two words, seven, or whatever. Once all participants are done, we take turns posting them in chat.
My first session's keys were graveyard, music, winter, and shadow. When it's just a paragraph or two, it's easy. Here's what I came up with (in all of 15 or so minutes).
Untitled
I sat behind his grave, my back pressed to the cold, gray stone. Sighing, I hummed the songs he wrote for me. Can you hear me? I wondered, closing my eyes to the winter skies.
The frigid breeze swirled snow around me. Cold didn't bother me anymore, I was too numb to feel much of anything.I turned around and pressed my face to the stone. "Why am I still here, Araan?" Shadows of the living passed through me, chattering in distorted voices. If I listened really hard, I could make out words, but today, it did not interest me. I shivered violently as they stepped across the dirt mound that was- that used to be- me. It jutted out of the ground, brown and muddy, while the snow around it bore the week old foot prints of my mourners. Soon, Lady Winter would erase them with her crystal faeries and lay my lifeless body in white.
I stared at the old man under the tree. He had been here since times of cowboys and the first railways, sitting under that tree, year after year, watching the world pass. What if I suffer the same fate? This isn't what I wanted. I wanted to be with Araan! I promised to follow him to the end of time, and now I couldn't even leave the cemetery grounds. Why did he have to leave me? And why couldn't I go where he was?
I guess it's kinda dumb, but I did it, and that's all that matters.
Au revoir!
Monday, January 13, 2014
Too much?
I almost forgot I needed to be writing here.... oops.
So I'm writing this novel, and I finally got most of the plot worked out in my head. Set a hundred or so years after an Earth-shattering cataclysm, an orphan girl gets taken in by a prince. No one in the kingdom likes this prince because he's a crossdresser, and his brother, the king, is a total war-crazed, careless, ass. In fact, the king drove the kingdom into absolute, terrible poverty, and has been searching for the philosopher's stone with their money. Prince Christopher's been trying to pick up the pieces in Angelus's absence.
Now this girl is all grown up, and while trying to help a family, Christopher is shot. A stranger (Angelus in disguise) convinces the (currently unnamed) girl to go and get the stone, telling her its the only way to save Christopher. This is where things get a little fuzzy. I know I want all the hounds in Hell to bite at her, I just haven't decided what exactly happens after she leaves on her quest. She's gonna get robbed at some point, but that's all I've got. At some point, she's going to slump into a depression and contemplate whether or not she should even be trying to save him, if she even wants to live, and how to deal with such a cold, desolate world and her resurfacing memories.
I might be pouring a little too much of my past mental drama into this, but I think I still need to express it out loud. There's a lot more than just "oh, it's so hard" fueling her questions on life and death, and how she decides to handle the world affects a much larger plot I've had stuck in my head for years. I really need help deciding what tortures to unleash on her when, though.
If anyone has any ideas, go ahead and comment. I am trying to keep this YA friendly, though.
Arigatou!
So I'm writing this novel, and I finally got most of the plot worked out in my head. Set a hundred or so years after an Earth-shattering cataclysm, an orphan girl gets taken in by a prince. No one in the kingdom likes this prince because he's a crossdresser, and his brother, the king, is a total war-crazed, careless, ass. In fact, the king drove the kingdom into absolute, terrible poverty, and has been searching for the philosopher's stone with their money. Prince Christopher's been trying to pick up the pieces in Angelus's absence.
Now this girl is all grown up, and while trying to help a family, Christopher is shot. A stranger (Angelus in disguise) convinces the (currently unnamed) girl to go and get the stone, telling her its the only way to save Christopher. This is where things get a little fuzzy. I know I want all the hounds in Hell to bite at her, I just haven't decided what exactly happens after she leaves on her quest. She's gonna get robbed at some point, but that's all I've got. At some point, she's going to slump into a depression and contemplate whether or not she should even be trying to save him, if she even wants to live, and how to deal with such a cold, desolate world and her resurfacing memories.
I might be pouring a little too much of my past mental drama into this, but I think I still need to express it out loud. There's a lot more than just "oh, it's so hard" fueling her questions on life and death, and how she decides to handle the world affects a much larger plot I've had stuck in my head for years. I really need help deciding what tortures to unleash on her when, though.
If anyone has any ideas, go ahead and comment. I am trying to keep this YA friendly, though.
Arigatou!
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Breathe, Breathe in the Air!
Okay, maybe not the best reference for a bright, shiny, optimistic new year,but it's the best one I got.
Happy New Year, world! After a night of epic Jenga skills, oohs and ahhs over lolita dresses, The Walking Dead, and too many cherry Pepsis, my friend and I had an idea. We're tossing around the thought of starting our own lolita shop. I can make patterns and sew, she makes beautiful jewelry, and another friend of her's makes headpieces and hats. For my drawing practice today, I'm going to sketch up some possible prints and designs. I'm so excited!
I think I need a soundtrack to set the mood for the year. Something that'll remind me of this excited, dreamy-eyed feeling whenever I hear it. I've found that whatever I listen to the most really sets up how the days go. Last year's reoccurring album ended up being "The Wall" by Pink Floyd, and last year ended up sucking hardcore juice boxes. I started off the new year with D's "Rakuen", but I need a whole album, not just one song to really keep me going.
I finished my permanent To Do list. I've got to print and laminate it as soon as I'm done here. It looks pretty awesome in my personal opinion. I've just got to finish getting my room in order before I display it's glory.
I think that's all for now.
Au revoir!
Happy New Year, world! After a night of epic Jenga skills, oohs and ahhs over lolita dresses, The Walking Dead, and too many cherry Pepsis, my friend and I had an idea. We're tossing around the thought of starting our own lolita shop. I can make patterns and sew, she makes beautiful jewelry, and another friend of her's makes headpieces and hats. For my drawing practice today, I'm going to sketch up some possible prints and designs. I'm so excited!
I think I need a soundtrack to set the mood for the year. Something that'll remind me of this excited, dreamy-eyed feeling whenever I hear it. I've found that whatever I listen to the most really sets up how the days go. Last year's reoccurring album ended up being "The Wall" by Pink Floyd, and last year ended up sucking hardcore juice boxes. I started off the new year with D's "Rakuen", but I need a whole album, not just one song to really keep me going.
I finished my permanent To Do list. I've got to print and laminate it as soon as I'm done here. It looks pretty awesome in my personal opinion. I've just got to finish getting my room in order before I display it's glory.
I think that's all for now.
Au revoir!
Sunday, December 29, 2013
Head Start! (Heaven Knows I Need One.)
I'm not good at goal setting, or resolutions, or much of anything. This year, I'm starting early. And I'm going to make myself keep them. My mother was given advice by a very successful acquaintance this year. She said not only write out the goal, but write why you want to accomplish it. For this new year, I want to finally achieve something other than make my parents angry.
I've seen these kind of lists be super long, concocted by over achievers who live to make people like me look like losers. I've seen goal lists be short, made by people who know exactly what they want and how they'll fit in with the overall plan. I'm just gonna write down the things I've been coming back to all year long, then I'll see about getting fancy with it.
I can't promise a daily blog post. Especially Saturdays. However, I will post at least once a week. Why? I not only need to define myself to myself, I want to draw an audience to myself.
#2. Gain 40 Pounds-
Yes, gain. After my recent illness, I've been skeletonized. I only weigh 6 pounds more than my youngest sister. Who's like 8. So, yeah. The challenge here is to do it quickly, but still eat healthy.
#3 Get a Life-
No more lurking in my house all day, every day. I need to hang out before I lose more friends, I need to get a new job ass soon as I'm cleared, and I need to redefine what my interests are.
#4 Write a Song and Preform It-
I love to sing, I love the attention, but I'm tired of doing covers and church songs. I want to show my creativity in the form of a finished song, in front of someone. I mean, it's not like I don't have millions of ideas.
#5 Finish a Story-
Last year, I spent 200$ on the One Year Adventure Novel program. I have yet to get past lesson 3. This year, I'm going to finish one and possibly start another so that my money wasn't wasted.
#6 Practice, Practice, Practice-
I'm losing my knowledge of Japanese, I can barely play my clarinet, I know next to nothing about FL Studio, my sketches look like crap anymore, and I want to sing on America's Got Talent next season (not the one about to start, I can't make the auditions). This year I'll spend 30mins daily practicing these things so I don't feel like a total loser.
#7 Be on America's Got Talent
Yeah, I mentioned it in the last one, but it's honestly a monumental task that needs to be a goal of its own. I'm not looking to win, just be good enough to draw some attention to myself. 3rd place would be great.
#8 Keep a To Do List-
This is pretty much the only way I'll accomplish anything. Without it, I would never remember what these goals are.
It's not much, but this concludes my list of things I want to accomplish in 2014. Did you know that, for the first time in 19 years, the New Year is being greeted by a new moon? That's special for me. If the moon and the year will both be fresh and new, then I can too. I think this year is going to be a good year for all kinds of new things; new attitudes, new opportunities, new ideas, and maybe some new clothes! x3
Au revoir!
I've seen these kind of lists be super long, concocted by over achievers who live to make people like me look like losers. I've seen goal lists be short, made by people who know exactly what they want and how they'll fit in with the overall plan. I'm just gonna write down the things I've been coming back to all year long, then I'll see about getting fancy with it.
Lady Velvet's 2014 Goals
#1. Keep Blogging-I can't promise a daily blog post. Especially Saturdays. However, I will post at least once a week. Why? I not only need to define myself to myself, I want to draw an audience to myself.
#2. Gain 40 Pounds-
Yes, gain. After my recent illness, I've been skeletonized. I only weigh 6 pounds more than my youngest sister. Who's like 8. So, yeah. The challenge here is to do it quickly, but still eat healthy.
#3 Get a Life-
No more lurking in my house all day, every day. I need to hang out before I lose more friends, I need to get a new job ass soon as I'm cleared, and I need to redefine what my interests are.
#4 Write a Song and Preform It-
I love to sing, I love the attention, but I'm tired of doing covers and church songs. I want to show my creativity in the form of a finished song, in front of someone. I mean, it's not like I don't have millions of ideas.
#5 Finish a Story-
Last year, I spent 200$ on the One Year Adventure Novel program. I have yet to get past lesson 3. This year, I'm going to finish one and possibly start another so that my money wasn't wasted.
#6 Practice, Practice, Practice-
I'm losing my knowledge of Japanese, I can barely play my clarinet, I know next to nothing about FL Studio, my sketches look like crap anymore, and I want to sing on America's Got Talent next season (not the one about to start, I can't make the auditions). This year I'll spend 30mins daily practicing these things so I don't feel like a total loser.
#7 Be on America's Got Talent
Yeah, I mentioned it in the last one, but it's honestly a monumental task that needs to be a goal of its own. I'm not looking to win, just be good enough to draw some attention to myself. 3rd place would be great.
#8 Keep a To Do List-
This is pretty much the only way I'll accomplish anything. Without it, I would never remember what these goals are.
It's not much, but this concludes my list of things I want to accomplish in 2014. Did you know that, for the first time in 19 years, the New Year is being greeted by a new moon? That's special for me. If the moon and the year will both be fresh and new, then I can too. I think this year is going to be a good year for all kinds of new things; new attitudes, new opportunities, new ideas, and maybe some new clothes! x3
Au revoir!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)